Home|Drawings
Poems Marked with * are newly added poems
(March 20th, 2000).
Alone
A Perfect World
Cry For Help
Darkness
Forever
Guiding Light *
Harmless
Hope *
Introspection
Life
Life Through A Cigarette
Lost In You *
Love's Illusion *
Meditate *
Meditation/The Cicle Of Life
Pain
Over
Reach Out *
Religion *
Right Before You Die
Someone *
The Meaning Of Life
The World Through My Window
Untitled
Where We End *
Words
Alone
I am alone
alone in the room
alone in the world.
There are people around me
but they don't understand
they don't know
I want to scream,
make them understand
but I can't
so I'm alone.
The people are all going to die
and at some point I'll be alone,
isolated
as I am now
and all I will be able to do is think
about the silence, the loneliness
about the world around me
the world which is slowly dying
And in the end we'll all die
and the planet will be left here
alone.
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A Perfect World
If only the world's problems could be as easily washed away as paint from my hands.
If only all people would be treated the same.
If only wars were as easily resolved as a fight between children.
If only humans wouldn't kill animals for selfish purposes.
If only we could look pass the selfishness and just be the for eachother.
If we all just admit to our mistakes and try to fix them and comfinsate and apologise to people we hurt.
The world would not be our world, it would be a perfect world.
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Cry For Help
Your heart is beating and your flesh is hot.
Inside you are freezing.
Drowning in your own mind.
Collapsing in the midst of all the confusion.
Thinking you should have let it out.
You are laughing so loudly.
And crying even louder.
Screaming for a friend.
Searching for refuge
from yourself.
Everyone is there, but there is no one, not even you.
And now no one can help, except for you.
The only thing that is stopping you is the cruel irony of life.
Which you can not ignore.
For it has cut off the wings of your despare.
And left you with no hope.
Left you to die in a room full of people, alone.
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Darkness
I am sitting in the darkness thinking about life; what was meant to be a beautiful thing but has turned so harmful, destroying anything in it's path.
I am sitting in the darkness thinking about how people see the light as a refuge from the darkness when, in fact, eventhough some of the answers are in the light, most of the questions appear in the darkness.
I am sitting in the darkness staring at a small candle as if it contains all the answers and realize that nothing does.
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Forever
Your heart is bleeding.
Your bloody hands are whiping the mud off your shoes.
You are dying.
The moment when you need them the most but there is no one around.
You cry and scream for your lover but he is no where to be found.
And you are left there lying in your own blood, hopeless, merciless.
You bleed and you bleed until you can bleed no more.
Your tears keep flowing, washing the little sparks of blood off your face.
And the knife with which your soul has stabbed you is inside of you,
forever.
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Guiding Light (a poem for Sarah)
Your eyes blazed through my mind,
reading all that is there,
all that has ever been there.
And you took me away,
for a second that meant the world.
And you made me listen,
you made me see.
You made me want to live,
to be.
You were the light that guids me,
from the darkness of reality,
towards the reality of hope.
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Harmless
It seems harmless.
A little planet.
Blue and green.
From a far it really does seem harmless.
From a far you can not see the wars, the blood, the suffering.
From a far you can not hear the crying, the sound of the dying.
From a far you do not notice the rasism, the descrimination.
From a far you can not witness the horrors of this planet.
This little, seemingly harmless, planet is only a place of death.
Yet it seems so harmless.
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Hope
I try to say what I feel,
and I say what you feel,
and we both know it's the same.
I want to die, but I won't, not just yet,
now I see, talking to you, how it is to talk to me,
to look in my eyes, to hear of death, and feel the hope.
And feel helpless in the face of despair.
To want to reach out.
To be taken down by misery.
To hope for hope.
To want to die so badly.
To want to live even more.
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Introspection
Staring at the drawing on the wall, trying to understand it. Remembering how I drew it. Wondering, it might contain the answer to my being. Or just another question.
The place in the drwaing looks so pretty, peaceful. Maybe I drew it because that is where I want to be or maybe it's meaningless.
Maybe some day people will study it and analyze it and maybe no one will care.
Maybe it does hold the answer to my being and the answer is that it's meaningless and nobody actually cares.
I am still staring at the drawing on the wall with all these questions running through my head and I need to know the answers.
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Life
What is life meant for?
We come to this world,
at first we bring joy to others, amusement, love.
Then we become somewhat a nusence to those around us, with the exception of people who actually like us which is, in most cases, a minority.
We ruine our planet, the animals around us, we hurt more people then we love.
Those who do find love, joy and happiness in this world, the ones who consider themselves and are considered lucky are mere visitors, they are but human beings who visit this planet for an extremely short while.
The summary of human life is: Come, destroy, die.
With minor and unimportant, (to the eyes of the planet), moments of joy.
So, why, I ask you, are we here?
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Life Through A Cigarette
Lighting a cigarrete and watching it come to life, wishing I could just light my soul the same way.
Feeling the smoke flowing through my lounges, filling them and watching the smoke leave my mouth, filling the room and vanishing and I remember that I am empty, alone.
No one except for people like me can know that feeling, the feeling of being in a room full of people yet feeling lonely.
As the smoke goes through my lounges again and again and again until I am no more And all that is left is the memory.
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Lost In You
Synchronized with your heartbeats
I shall see what you feel
and feel what you see.
In touch with everything I think
you shall know what I know
and know what I feel.
As you touch me
you shall feel how strongly
I feel for you.
I shall reach out
touch your pulsing skin
feel you.
I will look into your eyes
while you look into mine
in that only moment in time
when I am your everything.
As that moments ends I shall wake up
and cry for the moment that is lost forever
in me.
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Meditation/The Cicle Of Life
I close my eyes and concentrate.
I see a river, the river of life. And I sail on it, I sail faster and faster until it is no more. The river of life is no more.
I open my eyes, awakened to the reality that is life. And I continue sailing until it is truely over.
But the world stayes the same, the planet is still it's old self, floating throught space, sailing.
Until it is no more and all that is left is star dust. And so the viceous cicle of life continues for eternity.
The cicle never changes for that is how the world is.
And there is no end to this, and there is no end to life, there is only end to individuals.
And there is no Massiah to come and rescure us from the dead.
And there is not God to make our lives better.
The only thing that truely exists is the never ending cicle of life.
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My Heart
My heart has grown roots in your flesh
and my mind cuts them off.
You have gone from nothing to everything
in a heartbeat.
One single heartbeat out of millions
that means love as much as loss.
I wanted so badly to see me through your eyes
you feel me through your heart.
I wanted to lose myself to you
to find myself in you.
I wanted to be you
with you, within you.
What do you see beyond my teary eyes?
what do you see in my wounded soul?
How can I go on with my life leaving you behind?
How could I ever find meaning in someone other than you?
I will forever dread the moment
the moment when you will cut off my roots.
Set me free.
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Pain
Your hands are cold,
you are shivering,
and the ground is shaking.
It is freezing inside of you,
and it is raining,
of your tears.
The palms of your hands are covered with sweat,
from the egony you have suffered,
and the pain that will not come out.
You are smiling,
because you are crying,
and laughing,
because the confusion is unbearable,
it is burning your soul,
and freezing your heart,
while it is eating you alive,
and collapsing inside.
Your tears burn your skin,
as your laughter atings your ears.
And with an eternal smile,
you seize.
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Over
I will repress it all
and soon it will be over.
I will be loved by you
and soon it will be over.
I will dry my tears
and soon it will be over.
I will finally fit in
and then it will be over.
I will laugh to cover the pain
so then it will be over.
I won't tell them and will not show my love
after that it will be over.
I will seize to be me
and finally it will be over.
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Reach Out.
I look into the horizon
which I still can't see.
I'm looking for me in me,
in everyone.
I'm searching the world for perfection
a flame that forever burns
a soul that will never die out
a friend.
I see eyes that claim to know it all
I see eyes that prove them wrong.
I see faces that look the same
that hide so much pain
so much love.
I see you standing there
in the horizon
giving me your hand.
And I know that it holds all the answers
and I know that it holds all the love.
And I reach out and try to take it
and realize that I am too far.
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Religion
They're not there, they are a part of you.
They're in your mind, your subconciousness.
They are you, they are still there.
It's so wrong to think, to hope, to dream of anything beyond.
It's a sin, it's a horrible crime.
Life is not for living.
Life is to make life and life and life and nothing more, and nothing, it's nothing.
It's nothing, that's all, that's all you have, that's all there is.
Don't test your faith it's what they say.
They are afraid, they're so afraid you will see the light of day and you will smile and you will know that they're not there.
No longer a part of you.
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Right Before You Die
God-What a load of crap. There is no superior being watching over the good boys and girls.
The world will not come to an end if we mix milk and meat or celebrate Christmas.
The only thing that can bring the world to an end is the people who screw it all up.
Human beings have the potential to be such a useful and good group of creatures and some really are. And life, it can be wonderful.
So why mess it all up?
Why must they ruin everything?
Why must they fuck up all the good that other people bring?
Why do people depribe themselves of all the plesures of the world just to live to be a hundred years old?
You'll live only once, so you had better enjoy it.
It's not about living for a long time, it's about leaving the world while you're still ahead, while you can take care of yourself, it's about dying and being able to honestly say that you have forfilled your wishes and desires and had fun, enjoyed your life, made a difference.
That's what it's about, that's what it's all about; achieving true happiness right befor you die.
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Someone
Dear anyone,
how can I explain?
how can I let you know?
Dear anyone,
how can I convey?
how can I let you in?
Dear anyone,
how can I surrender?
how can I let you feel?
Dear anyone,
why do you read this?
why do you even care?
Dear someone,
how can I ever let you go?
could you ever let me go?
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The Meaning Of Life
If a man is imprtant, why so many of the die each day?
If love is the purpous of life, why do we spend most of our lives hating and being hated?
If god created us, why is he so eagred to destroy us?
Why do people spend most of their time on this planet trying to fix their mistakes?
Life. What is life? Life is nothing but something that happens before we die.
We spend our lives looking for the meaning of life, that one thing that we must achieve, when in fact we don't realize that the search itself is the meaning of life.
Not love. Not hatered. Not money. But the search, the everlasting search for the meaning. The meaning of life.
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The World Through My Winodw
I looked out the window and saw children playing. Innocent, naive, they were still too young to realize they might die at an early age. They live in a fantasy world. Unaware of the dangers that the world holds for them.
I looked out the window and saw the sky. They looked so beautiful, I could almost forget the rockets and planes that fly across the sky in order to kill and destroy. I could almost forget how we polute the air, killing ourselves as I took a breath and quickly exhaled it.
I looked out the window and saw a field. It looked so harmless, from that distence I couldn't see all the chemicals that are poisoning everything.
I looked out the window and saw the sea, so perfect and calm, I couldn't ignore the fact that we polute it, harm it, kill the fish so that the meat eaters amongst us will be happy.
I looked out the window and saw animals running free. It made me think about how we kill them for selfish reasons.
I looked out the window and thought about how the world would look if we wouldn't have changed it.
It would look and actually be perfect.
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Untitled
I sit here and try to figure out this world but all I come up with are some worthless passimistic observations.
I sit here and try to figure out how I feel and how to put it in words but all I see is an empty page.
I don't want it to be an empty page, I want it to be full of everything my mind is.
And maybe it is.
And maybe, just maybe it will be.
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Where We End
Your though is in my head, you dream, you see, I know.
You bleed, I feel, you hurt, I cry.
Your death is as close as mine, and life in between.
You want to be, to hope for better, I want the same, I wish the same.
I scream and try and you lose and find.
And reach out as do I.
And we reach the point, when we do, where all is, where we are, where it begins, where we end.
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Words
I can not find the words to express the sorrow you left behind
I can not find the words to express the pain I feel
I can not find the words toy express your beauty, when you smiled
I can not find the words to express the emptiness in my heart
I can not find the words to express your gentle touch which I will never feel again
I can not find the words to describe the words I can't find.
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